


a kitchen sink to you (is not a kitchen sink to me)

by blulrryface



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blulrryface/pseuds/blulrryface
Summary: Tyler need to fight his demon and Josh's always there to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first joshler fiction, so please bare with me.  
> Quick disclaimer:  
> \- I am not related or know about Tyler and Josh's personal lives.  
> \- I am in no way try to romanticize mental illness.  
> \- I don't know about the USA's education system (so v sorry for the inaccuracy)  
> \- English isn't my first language so I'm very sorry if there's any grammatical and/or spelling error. Also this fiction has not been beta-ed yet.  
> That being said (or typed), enjoy the fic guys |-/

It's time like this that he start to hate his life. It's time like this that he start hearing voices and believing it. 02:17 AM the clock shows, the room is too silent and too dark.

 

_"They'll never like you."_

_"You're a freak, Tyler."_

_"No one would want to be your friends."_

 

It said. Tyler need to go to sleep as soon as possible because tomorrow is his first day of high school. Maybe that's what triggered his anxiety, but then again he has insomnia too.

 

He feels his body heat start rising and it's too hot for his liking. He scratch and scratch at his arms, doing anything to take away the voices. He think of taking a sleeping pill, but Tyler doesn't want to miss his class on the first day of school. In the end, he decided to get some drink to calm his mind.

 

Closing the fridge door he pour the cold water into a glass and hold the glass. Feeling the coldness in his hand as he sit under the kitchen sink. It's his favorite place to be at time like this. The cold floor tile and glass help him calm his breathing.

 

After taking a gulp, he put his forehead against the glass, absorbing the cold so he can control his body heat. It's calming, watching the little drops of water falling from the palm of his hand to the floor between his legs. He lay down, feeling his body melting to the kitchen floor. He tried to breath as slowly as possible.

 

In and out, in and out. In, out. Inhale, exhale.

 

Time passed, he doesn't know what time is it now but at least it helped. He feels calm and lightweight.

 

☻☹

 

The first thing he noticed is there's a hand nudging him at his shoulder. Before he open his eyes, there's a voice.

 

"Tyler, baby? What are you doing here? C'mon, get up my boy."

 

He know that voice, the voice that always soothe him when his mind isn't right. So Tyler open his eyes and look at the source of that voice.

 

In front of him, there's his mother sitting beside him and a confused look on her face. Tyler doesn't know what's gotten into him but he burst into tears as soon as he sit up and clambered onto his mother lap. Sobbing to her neck and hiding his face there.

 

"Oh baby, I know. I know, it's alright though. Do you want to talk about it? We can go to Dr. Reid if you want today, I'll tell the school."

 

Still sobbing, Tyler can only shake his head. His mother know about his situation, his _problems_. She already book an appointment with Dr. Reid—Tyler's therapist—every Friday but he doesn't think it help him that much.

 

"Do you want me to tell the school you're sick, Tyler? We can talk when you're feeling better, baby." he hear his mom asked him.

He took a breath before replying, "No- No, mom. I... I want to go to my first day of school. I just... need time."

"Alright honey. It's still early in the morning. I'll drive you to school later." with a kiss to his forehead, his mom start to stand up. "Pancake or your usual cereal boo?"

Trying to smile through his tears, Tyler replied, "Pancake would be nice mom."

 

☻☹

 

Arriving at school is a lot harder to control his anxiety. His legs keep moving upside down and he seem to cannot stop sweating. His mother stop at the parking lot and try to calm his nerves.

 

"Tyler, we can just go home if you're not feeling well. The school will understand about it." his mother told him.

"No... No, mom. I want to- to go." Tyler insisting on going.

A sigh left Tyler's mom lips and she replied, "But promise me when something is up you call me right away, okay?"

"Pinky promise mom." Tyler held up his pinky and his mother slotted her pinky with Tyler's.

 

☻☹

 

The hallway seems to be like a normal school where red lockers are on each side of him. He goes to search for the administration office because he need to know his class and his locker but it's hard to keep walking when everybody's eyes are on you. Tyler wonder what they'll say in their heads at that moment.

 

_"What a freak."_

_"Loser."_

_"Pffftt just a nobody."_

 

Probably that's what they said on their heads. So Tyler keep his head down to avoid all eye contacts. He just stare at floor pattern and walk until his body is bumping to something solid.

 

A bit taken aback, Tyler looks up to see what he just ran—or rather walk—into. Red, is the first thing he sees because it's the hair color of what he just bump. Trailing his eyes slowly down he noticed the boy had brown eyes that is so calming, a nose piercing, a little scruff of beard, and a smile on his face.

 

"I- I'm sorry, I did- did not look where I'm... I'm going." Tyler stuttered as he kept his head down.

"Hey, it's okay." the boy said with his deep-but soothing and cheery-voice.

 

Again, Tyler notice the boy he just bumped is wearing a red football—or is it baseball?—jacket. Either way, he is a jock and Tyler doesn't want to mess with that kind of group on his first day of school. The funny thing is, this boy is wearing an "I WANT TO BELIEVE" with an UFO on the shirt. Tyler doesn't know if it's an inside joke among the jocks here or is this boy really into space stuff.

 

"Are you okay though?" He asked and Tyler suddenly snap his focus back.

"Ye-"

"Josh!" Tyler words got cut as the boy's—that goes by the name Josh—friend calling for him. "Let's go, man! Don't wanna be late for class right?" the said friend pulled Josh by his neck and they start to walk while joking towards class.

Josh turned around and give him one last smile that left Tyler stunned in the hallway.

 

Remembering that he still has things to do and go to the administration office, Tyler start to walk. He feels much better now, more calm about the whole situation by just bumping.. into.. Josh? He still doesn't want to think about it—that Josh seem to help his nerve—but he can tell that the whole day is going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey honey, how was your first day?" His mother greets him as soon as he open the car door.

"Umm... It's good mom." Tyler replied.

They leave the school ground before his mom start to speak again, "Made new friends today?" She asked, try to create conversation.

"Uh... Not yet." He replied while fiddling with his hoodie zipper.

His mother know how hard for him to make a new friends, especially on a new surroundings.

"That's okay, Ty. You'll have the whole year to make friends." His mother assured him with a soft pat on his shoulder.

They spent the whole car ride in silence after that, saved by the songs on the radio and Tyler humming to it.

 

☻☹

 

The first thing he did when arriving at his house was throwing his backpack on the ground and plopping himself on the bed. He doesn't know what made him so exhausted, but he is. Thank god there's not much schoolwork to be done, so Tyler let his body rest for a while.  


 

A knock on the door woke Tyler up from his nap. He doesn't remember falling asleep, but maybe his tiredness taking a toll on his body.

"Ty, are you there? Can I come in?" His mom asked.

Scratching his eyes as he sits up on the bed he answered, "Yeah mom."

His mother opened up the door and a sweet smile on her face greeting Tyler.

"Honey, there's something I want to talk to." She said.

By the look on her face, Tyler knew it was something serious and he feel the anxiousness start to surface.

"What about?" Tyler asked his mother as he plays with the hem of his shirt.

His mother took a seat at the end of the bed next to him. She put a hand on his thigh for assuring him it's alright before she start to talk again.

"So... I know that Dr. Reid isn't helping you much with your problems and I know it's been hard for you lately. I thought I might help you with something and I found this, some kind of support group that shares all their _problems_ and they helped each other by telling their stories-" She hasn't finished talking but Tyler cuts her, "Mom, I don't need it. I'm fine, I'm okay."

"Tyler, listen to me. I know you're not okay and that is alright to admit it. I just want to help, please do this once for me and if you don't like it, you can stop doing it."

Tyler doesn't know what's happening but he can feel his cheeks is now wet, stained with tears.

"Oh baby, it's okay. I promise you it's okay." His mother goes to hug him and rubbing his back. "It's you and I against the world remember?"

 

It's true, it's always been him and his mother against the world. His mother always helped him through a lot and Tyler loves her very much. So Tyler decided he need to repay her one way or another.

"Okay." He said once the crying has stopped. "Okay I'll try the support group mom."

"Seriously honey? Okay. It start every Wednesday evening so I can drive you to it." His mother informed him.

Still not feeling well about it, Tyler only replied, "Okay mom."

His mother goes to kiss his forehead and hug him while murmured, "Thank you so much for trying, Tyler. It means the world for me." And she walked out of his room.

 

☻☹

 

Second day of school does not have a good start. Tyler anxiety is acting up once he's near the school ground and it doesn't help the fact that he's not yet made any friend there. It's lunch time and he's in the cafeteria now. He sit alone by the back table but he's thankful because there's no one annoying him. He got one more class then he's done for the day.

 

Walking into the English class room he put his backpack down at the table near the window. Thinking that he might be bored and in need of a scenery. Not long after he's seated, a group of guys enter the classroom and by their jackets, Tyler knew Josh would be in one of them.

 

True to his thought, the red haired boy make an appearance and take a seat at the back of the class. Still laughing with crinkly eyes to his teammates about something funny that Tyler doesn't even get. The noises that are filling the classroom stop when Mrs. Hudson–the English teacher–walks in and start the class with her introduction.

 

The class got pretty boring halfway in, but thank the Lord it was saved by the end bell. Mrs. Hudson make a move to notice the class she still had an announcement to make.

 

"Before you kids go home, I'd like to inform all of you about the English project this semester. You will all be paired with your classmate, my choices-"

She was interrupted with the "aah!" or "boo!" of the class.

"Be quiet please! Thank you. You and your partner has to make a poem, drama, short stories, song, etc. And it will be performed by the two of you at the end of this semester. Now, for the pairings..."

 

Tyler stop listening after that. Losing interest of what she said after knowing it's a group project. He doesn't like group projects, he's not good at making friends.

 

".... Tyler Joseph. That is all of the pairings. Now, I will let you and your partner to know each other first, so my assignment for next week is you and you partner must wrote an essay about each other. Thank you class for your attention. Good luck on the project!"

 

Tyler still left confused by the information. He didn't even know who he was paired with. He want to ask to Mrs. Hudson but before he stand up, there's a finger poking his shoulder.

 

"Hey." A voice said as Tyler turn his head around.

"Umm... Yeah?" Tyler asked.

Josh–the one who poked him–smile to him and said, "I was paired with you."

This must be joking, of course the universe hates Tyler so much that Mrs. Hudson would paired him with Josh! The guy he stumbled on the first day of school. The boy who saw his embarrassing stuttered self.

"Uh.. I don't think you were paying attention when Mrs. Hudson informed it." Josh was saying as he adjust his backpack.

"Oh, yeah. Yes, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention." Tyler said while he scratch his neck to calm his nerves. He embarrassed himself again but Josh just smiled to him, those warm smile that he give to Tyler on the first day of school.

"I'm Joshua. Joshua Dun, but you can call me Josh for short." Josh introduced himself with a hand in the air. Taking the hand that Josh offered, Tyler replied, "Tyler. Tyler Joseph."

It’s happening again, Tyler didn't know why he feel so comfortable after having a contact with Josh, but he is. The fact that Josh's hand is so warm didn't help either.

"So, when can we start for the first assignment, Ty? Is that okay if I call you Ty?" Josh asked.  
Tyler tried to give him a smile, "Yeah it's okay. Umm.. I'm available on Thursday if you're okay?"

"Okay, cool. See you on Thursday.” Josh said while he’s turning away and give Tyler a wave before he exited the classroom leaving Tyler alone.

 

A breath of air leave Tyler’s lungs, he didn’t know that he’s been holding it until now. For a starter, Tyler thinks it was a good introduction. He did not stuttered that much and Josh doesn’t seem to be awkward around him. With proud, Tyler left the classroom after gathering his stuff and put it in his bag.

 

☻☹

 

“Hi mom!” Tyler wave to his mother that’s already waiting for him in the school parking lot.

“Hey, honey. You seem happy.” His mother smiled to him as if Tyler’s happiness was radiating through the air.

“Guess what! I made a friend today mom.” He told his mother cheerily.

Starting to drove from the school, his mother replied, “Honey, that’s great! What’s their name?”

“Well... It’s only one person and his name is Josh. Mrs. Hudson, our English teacher, paired us together for this class project. But...” Tyler trailed off.

“But why baby? I’m sure you’ll do great with Josh.” His mother assured him while she rub Tyler’s thigh in a calming way. Tyler know she did that to make him feel better.

“I don’t know mom, you know how I get with new people. I’m afraid that I have a panic attack when I’m with him or else and he’d think I’m a freak. Oh God, what if he told the whole school mom? I just made a new friend and it’s already going to be terrible.” Tyler said. He feel suffocated and his throat are closing up. No air he could breath in, just the thoughts of Josh got weirded by him circulating inside him instead of oxygen.

“Tyler, baby, please breath in. Try to breath for me please.” His mother’s voice aren’t helping him. Hands gripping his mother while he try as best as he can to ground himself and breath. Let the air in. The next thing he knows, the car has stopped on the side of the road and his mother attention are all on him.

Things like this that Tyler doesn’t want to be happening around Josh, things like this that made him insecure with making friends, “Mom, I’m scared.” He sobs the words out of his mouth eventually to his mom while he keep his head bury on his mother’s neck.

“It’s okay baby. I’m sure Josh is a good kid, you and him would make a great project for English. You’ll pass this subject with flying colors, Ty. I know how much you love English, you want to be a poem writer remember honey? And you’ll do just fine with Josh.” He hear his mother said the words to his ear. His mother soft fingertips wiping his tears away and Tyler can breath now.

“Ye- yea. Yeah, mom. Thank you.” He sniffled and wiping his runny nose.

His mother kissed his forehead once before driving again. Once in a while his mom would take a glance at him and smile, “Okay?” she asked that he would reply with, “Yeah.”

He loves his mother so much, she’s the only one who knows about him inside and out. Know about him like the back of her own hand. Know exactly every plus and minus he had, maybe because of that he’s the closest with her. Not that he’s comparing his parents, but it’s true. His father always seem so busy with his own world–work to be precise.

Tyler rest his head against the window. Drizzle of rain tainting the car window with drops of water and he close his eyes to rest his mind for a little while.


	3. Chapter 3

Third day of school is boring like the usual. Tyler drags his body through the hallway and classrooms, passing blurry faces of people he didn't know. He's still trying to control his anxiety, doesn't really want to let the school know about his _problems_. No sight of Josh today and Tyler pretend to be okay.

 

Time passes by quickly and the next thing he knew, he was sitting on his mother car, going to the social group his mother talked about. The place was in a hall near a church on his neighborhood. Tyler can't help to feel a bit scared. He has to share his story with new people he didn't even know. The only people Tyler open up with was only his mom and Dr. Reid – even Dr. Reid didn't know the whole truth because Tyler felt uncomfortable sharing it with him.  


 

Arriving at the place, his mother kissed him goodbye on his forehead and promise him that she'll be waiting outside when he's done. Tyler push the door of the hall as he take a deep breath before stepping forward. Inside the hall, he saw chairs made into a circle so everybody can see each other. There's probably ten chairs–fifteen at most, so Tyler's a bit relax with the fact that it is a small group. He sit beside a girl–a bit older than him, but probably not much–and she smile to him. His other side is still empty when the group begin.

 

"Evening everybody, how are you today?" Greet John – the head of this social group.

Everyone else just murmured back a brief "good" or "great, thanks"

"I see a new face here," John stated "Care to introduce yourself young man?" He said to Tyler.

A bit taken back, Tyler look around him. Everyone's eyes is on him now, he stuttered a small "hello" that followed with his introduction.

"Umm.. My name's- I'm Tyler Joseph. I'm sixteen and-" He was interrupted by a scrambling sound behind him.

"Sorry I'm late, have to run some errands."

There it is, Josh with all his crinkly eyes and red hair at the door approaching the group. Tyler feel his body relaxing just by knowing that Josh is here, finally someone he already know.

"Oh, hey Ty! Didn't know you're joining the group." Josh is taking a sit beside him.

"Yeah, my mom asked me to." He sighed once Josh is seated next to him.

"Sorry for interrupting. Please continue." Josh said to John with a sheepish smile.

"It's okay, J. Glad you could make it." John replied, "Tyler was just introducing himself to the group, but it seems you guys already know each other I assume?"

Josh grin at him, "Yeah, we go to the same high school. Tyler here is doing his first year there and we got the same English class. Proper English buddy we are, yeah Ty?" He joked.

Tyler only replied with a smile. He's flustered. Hearing Josh helping to introduce himself like they've been best friend for a long time really help to slow his wildly beating heart.

"So Tyler, want to share some stories?" John ask, "It's okay if you don't want to. You could just listen."

Tyler is glad that John did not push him. "I'm fine with hearing stories for today." He simply answered.

 

The group takes turn with the stories. Sometime between stories Tyler feel Josh slightly lean his body to him, "Ty, are you okay?" He whispered.

"Uhm.. Yeah. I'm okay," but somehow his words are not strong with the way he took a shaky breath.

Tyler know Josh can feel his anxiousness. He put a hand on Tyler's knee, the leg that keeps jumping up and down on the chair.

"Hey, it's alright. You're going to be fine." Josh whispered one last time, patting his knee with a reassuring words. Then he sit back on his chair and listened to the stories that are being told. Once in a while Josh smiled to him and Tyler can feel butterflies erupt in his stomach.

 

Turns out there's some people who had a problem just like Tyler in the group. Surprisingly, Josh is more alike with Tyler. Josh sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the goals his parents set for him plus his family problems. So he express his anger or whatever he's feeling through drumming and sports, he told the group. Tyler 100% know what Josh's feeling. He too, sometimes feel like the weight of the world crushing him to the ground. There’s too many other people's expectations he doesn't want to let down. The difference is Tyler pour his feelings to a journal that he kept inside his bedside drawer. He convert his mind into thousand upon thousand of words written with black ink on a piece of paper.

 

By the end of his first meeting, everyone said their goodbye to each other.

"Ty, wait up!" Josh called for him.

Tyler slowed down his walk so Josh can catch up to him.

"We're still up for tomorrow right? Thought I'd ask for your number so it'll be more easier to communicate?" Josh asked him.

And yes, Tyler forgot about tomorrow. He and Josh made a plan to work on their first English assignment. How could he forget such a thing? Oh God, he feels terrible.

Sensing something wrong, Josh speaks up, "Uh... Did you forget about it? I mean, I'm fine if you want to resched-"

"No, no, no. I mean, yes I forget about it but we don't have to reschedule. I'm sorry, I got distracted sometimes." He shyly told Josh and scratch the back of his neck. Why did he just rambled to Josh? He didn't even know.

"Well, it's okay Ty. Everyone's forget once in a while." Josh smiled to him, "Can I still have your phone number?" Josh said while offering his phone for Tyler to take it.

"Yeah, sure. Of course." Taking the phone from Josh's hand, Tyler put his number in and saved it as "Tyler J." and giving the phone back.

"Thanks, Ty. See you tomorrow!"

He and Josh parted ways, his mom already waiting outside of the building.

 

☻☹

_From: Unknown Number_

_Message: ty! its me jish  
so where do u want to do the assignment tmrrw??_

Tyler giggled as he read the text. He doesn't know if Josh was on purpose typing his name "jish" or not but it's a cute typo he had made. So Tyler saved it as Josh contact's name on his phone.

_To: jish_

_Message: hey **jish** , um.. any place recommendation?  
don't suggest at a cafe or something because i can't concentrate on a noisy place._

_From: jish_

_Message: oh crap! sorry, i type rlly fast sometimes and things like that happen  
well, its only for knowing each other how bout we do it at ur or my house? that ok??_

_To: jish_

_Message: ha from now on i'm gonna call u jish, it's settled.  
if u don't mind, can we do it at my place? just feel more comfortable here._

_From: jish_

_Message: what a menace u are :)  
yeah thats fine Ty. u dont hv to ask. im more than ok. text me the address yeah?_

_To: jish_

_Message: okay, i'll text it tomorrow. thank you jish._

_From: jish_

_Message: no probs ;)_


	4. Chapter 4

Tyler is pacing back and forth on the kitchen floor now. Josh about to come any minute for their assignment and he can't find his mom anywhere. Well, she did leave a note while Tyler was taking his nap from school saying she went to the grocery store for a while but Tyler is panicking and he need her now. He didn't know why he's panicking. Even though Josh is very understandable and caring towards him, Tyler still don't want Josh to see him when his problems are acting up.

 

_"He'd know how much of a fuck up you are."_

_"He'll leave you."_

_"What a waste of time."_

The voices start again. It really isn't a good time for this. Tyler not knowing what to do to calm his mind, so he do what he usually does. He pulled up both of his legs and hug it to his chest. Curled up under the kitchen sink, waiting for his mother to come. Once in a while he scratch his hands or slap his head to get the voices out of there. Trying to control his breathing by rocking back and forth.

 

There's a knock on the front door, he know it's Josh and it's only made his anxiety even more worse. His phone was vibrating wildly on the kitchen counter but Tyler only ignored it. Too focused with his problem, Tyler did not hear the footstep approaching him, he didn't even hear someone's entering the house. There's someone beside him now and he thinks it's his mother. He scrambled up to the person's lap once they lay a hand on his shoulder. Tyler hugged and sobbed to the other person's neck searching for comfort. He feels a hand coming up to his back, rubbing in an attempt to calm him down. It helped though, Tyler feel more calm and sedated. He feels exhausted and floaty at the same time just because of it and the other person he's hugging is warm and soothing. The next thing he knew, he was out like a light.

 

☻☹

 

The first thing that he noticed when he woke up was the smell of wood. Blacking out is usual for him after what just happened. He's in his bedroom now. There's a soft hoodie under him along with a beating heart that he can hear from the place he's lying on and hands wrapped around him. It's warm, Tyler like it this way.

 

He expect that his mom was the one under him but when he sit up, it's not her. It's not even close to her. To put it simply, it's the boy he stumbled on the first day of school. Yes, it's Josh and Tyler start to feel a wave of embarrassment after what just happened. Josh saw him like that.

 

Slowly, trying not to wake the red haired boy, Tyler get up from Josh's vice grip on his body. Sitting on his desk with his journal in front of him, he starts to write what he feels. Mixed emotion and a hundred words filled his mind. So he writes, writes, writes until he's a little bit at ease.

 

Seconds turn to minutes, Tyler doesn't know how long he spent writing but he finished another set of poem. Feeling better than before, he look outside his window. The stars are out tonight and it's beautiful. Tyler like to do this sometimes, just watching the night sky from his bedroom window.

 

"Ty? How are you feeling now?" he heard a voice behind him. When he look behind, Josh is sitting up on his bed and studying him with warm brown eyes. Josh must be thinking what a mess he is Tyler thought.

Smiling sheepishly at Josh, he replied, "Uh.. Better, thanks. I'm so- sorry you had to.. Uh.. to witness, uh.. that." he rubs the back of his neck.

Standing from Tyler's bed, Josh approach him, "Hey, it's okay." he stated, "I'm glad that you're fine. Sorry for barging in like that. I thought you didn't heard my knock or my calls." Josh apologized.

"Umm.. Josh? Mind to tell me what happened?" Tyler asked him.

Taking a sit at the end of Tyler's bed, Josh start to tell him. "Well, I found you on the kitchen floor and I- I don't know, you were just there, sitting alone and not breathing properly. Thought there was something wrong. I was so scared something bad happened to you, Ty. Then I touch your shaking shoulders, you start to cry onto my lap and hugging me there. I rub your back and whisper things to you, it seem to helped you. The next thing I know was you fell asleep on my lap and your mother come home. She told me to put you here and yeah, I fell asleep too."

Tyler is more embarrassed now, not only Josh just seen him like that, he actually fell asleep on him. Josh beat him up before he tried to reply, "I want you to know that I'm okay with it, it's fine, Ty. Things like that happens and I understand it." said Josh. His eyes fixed on Tyler's and Tyler could feel the sincerity of it.

"Um.. Ye- yeah. Thanks Josh, it means a lot to me. I- I just... I don't know." Tyler sighed. He doesn't know how to describe what he's feeling. He did not want to make Josh uncomfortable by telling him that Josh always make him feel more calm, more brave and _himself_.

Josh know that Tyler want to tell him something but sensing his doubt. “Hey, I know we just know each other for what? A day or so? But just so you know, you can tell me anything alright?” Josh said softly, trying to make Tyler get his point. Josh too, doesn’t want to make Tyler uncomfortable with it. So he settled on saying something that could encourage Tyler.

“Thanks.” Tyler settled. “I will tell you once I’m get used to it.”

“Okay.” Josh replied him with a full on smile with teeth and crinkly eyes.

 

☻☹

 

Afterwards, Tyler’s mom told them to eat dinner and they both got comfortable again after what just happened. They start doing the first assignment on getting to know each other. Stories flow freely from both of their lips. Josh made Tyler laugh once a while, in return Tyler told Josh a fascinating stories. The more they talked to one another, the more they _clicked_. Like they’re both so similar yet different with each other.

 

Sound of giggles and laughs fill his room. Tyler’s not sure when was the last time he laugh this much his stomach ache and eyes teary from it.

“Ty, if you don’t mind, can I ask you something?” Josh asked him. They both still calming down from their laugh because Josh comment something funny from one of his stories.

“Sure, what is it?” Tyler simply replied, already feeling comfortable with Josh presence.

“I notice that book on your desk. Mind to tell me what it’s about? It’s okay though if you don’t want to.” Josh asked him. Tyler know it’s bound to happen, he already see it that Josh like to take a glance of his _journal_ but he still hesitating on sharing it. In the end, he thinks _fuck it_ and told Josh about it.

“Oh, it’s um.. It’s my journal. I like to write sometimes,” Tyler starts, “It helped me with what I’m dealing, I guess. Just a bunch of meaningless poems.”

“Can I have a look at it?” Josh carefully asked him.

“Uh, sure.” And Josh start to open his journal. Flipping from pages through pages and keeping his face emotionless. Tyler’s not sure what he was thinking, he know some of his poems were very dark, some of it were really showing his weakness, and the others were just a random sentences he put together. He’s fully aware that he just showed Josh his true self, his real self, he _let Josh in_ and somehow the idea of it doesn’t scare him that much. Again, he doesn’t know why he get so comfortable with Josh’s presence, maybe it’s the fact that he hasn’t have a friend for so long and now he’s making one now. Maybe it’s because the thought of sharing his _problems_ with the people who are dealing with it too, people who _know_ how it feels and makes it okay. Too wrapped up in his own thought, Josh’s voice bring him back to reality.

“Ty,” Josh start to say, his voice cracking. _Why is it cracking?_ “Ty, Jesus.” He sigh, “This is beautiful, I literally have no words to describe it. Your writings really bring something out, like, I could feel your emotion through this. It’s not a bunch of _meaningless_ poems Ty, it’s so much more.”  Josh grip his hand by the time he finish his sentences, Tyler feel a wave of relief wash over him. Finally, there’s someone who _understand_ it.

Tyler sigh before he replied, “Thanks Josh. I’m glad you like my writings. I never really showed anyone except my mother. So I don’t know if anyone would understand it or not.” He finished.

“It’s beautiful and I mean it.” Josh smiled to him, “So, about the project, I’m guessing you want to do some poems reading for the class?”

“Um.. About that, I still don’t know what I want to do. You know how I get with public attention and I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of the class. Plus, if we choose reading poems, it’s only one people who did it.” Tyler explained.

They both got silence for a while when Tyler was struck by the idea.

“Josh, you can play drums right?” He asked.

At the mention of drums, Josh eyes lit up–it’s the cutest thing Tyler notice–and replied with a nod, letting Tyler to continue his talk.

“I was wondering if you could play the cajon, we can do some acoustic performance for the class? I can play the piano and sing a little and we can turn one of my poems–that you really like–to a song, if you want to.” He told Josh his idea. He, himself, is not even sure about it, but he’s willing to try for Josh’s and his grade sake.

A bit hesitating from the idea, Josh softly ask him, “Are you sure about it, Ty? I don’t want you to do what makes you uncomfortable just for this.”

Tyler is so glad he got a really considerate partner that care about him. “Uh, yeah. I think I’m alright with the idea.” He replied.

“Alright, but you let me know the minute you change your mind okay?”

With a smile, Tyler replied, “Okay.” And they both got back to the conversation about their lives. Somewhere around 9pm Josh went home and leave Tyler with warm bed and a smile on his face.

 


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been days since the _tragedy_ – that’s what Tyler called – had passed. Josh is still being his usual self, goofying around and joking every second with Tyler. Tyler is thankful for not being treated differently. In fact, he and Josh are closer now. They’re being more open than ever and Tyler is comfortable with telling how his day goes to Josh.

 

When the night begin to fall and they can’t seem to sleep their day off, they both like to call each other and share a story or two over the phone. The room is filled with exchanging laughter, Tyler face is hurting from grinning too wide. Apparently that is what Josh always did to him. Josh is always keep him happy and smiley throughout the day. It seems that he is hardly having a hard time now, Tyler is glad for that.

 

☻☹

 

It slipped out of Josh mouth one day when they’re lying both in Tyler’s bed and discussing – or rather joking – about why is Taco Bell is the best place for Mexican fast food ever.

“Babe, now you’re making me hungry.” Josh laughed while wiping a bit tears out of his eyes from laughing too hard with Tyler. At the mention of pet names, Tyler stunned. No one ever called him with a pet names except his mother. Looking at Tyler’s shocked expression, Josh immediately say, “Uh, sorry Ty. I did not mean that to slip out. I just heard your mother likes to call you with pet names and you seem to relax by hearing it. I’m not intending to make you uncomfortable or any of that.” Josh rushed the sentences out of his mouth.

Still a bit taken aback by it, Tyler just look at Josh’s eyes. Once in a while his vision come down to Josh’s lips. He get a sudden urge to kiss it, taste it, to know how it _feels_.

“Ty, say som-“ Josh’s words got cut out by a pair of lips crashing on him.

Tyler feel his body moving on his own accords and the next thing he knew there’s a soft lips on his. The first thing he notice is it’s soft just like Josh’s touch to him. Josh is always soft with him, he treated Tyler like some-kind of fragile porcelain. The second thing is warm, it’s warm and tender. He catch a glimpse of Josh closing his eyes and start getting into the kiss. A hand sneak up on his body and Tyler is hit by the realization that they’re sharing a kiss.

He break the kiss by jumping out of Josh. Tyler is shocked at what he just did. Breathing hard with a hand closing his mouth, he start to take a step back.

“I- I’m sorry. Just forget about that.” Tyler stammered out.

“Wait, Tyler!” Josh reach for him when Tyler start to leave the room. He feel a hand tugging on his wrist but he doesn’t want to see Josh’s reaction. He’s trying to leave the room, saving himself from a major embarrassment that he just made but Josh’s strong hand keep him at his place. Josh pull him in and hug him from behind while Tyler keep his head down.

“Ty, please look at me.” Josh wait for a second so Tyler can look at him. Alas, Tyler is still trying to get free from his grip so Josh keep on talking, hoping it would make Tyler feel better. “Ty, I’m not mad at you for doing that, I don’t even regret it.” At that, Tyler stop trashing in his arms and looks up at him. Josh thought it’s a good sign, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me though. If you want to forget that ever happened, then we don’t have to talk about it anymore. I just want what’s best for you.” He finished.

Josh could feel Tyler goes lax and left out a sigh. “I’m sorry for throwing myself like that. I don’t know what happened, it’s just-“ Tyler cut himself. He doesn’t know how to explain it without making Josh feel gross out by him.

“It’s okay if you want to tell me, yeah?” Josh assured him while rubbing small circle on his back.

Tyler is hiding his face on the junction where Josh’s neck met his shoulder, “You make me want to do things like that when you called me with pet names.” Tyler mumbled shyly. He can feel that he’s blushing and he know how red his face going to be. That makes him bury his face even more to Josh’s neck.

“I’m glad you did it though.” Josh giggles.

“You’re not mad?” Tyler asked while lifting up his head. Josh got that smile on his face when he feels happy.

“Of course not, babe.” The pet names come freely now. Josh put his lips on Tyler’s forehead, smelling the other boy’s hair.

They both end up feeling clingier than ever. Ordering something to eat, the night end with Josh’s scent lulling him to sleep and before he know it, dream take over his mind and he's in a promise land somewhere, with josh.


	6. Chapter 6

_Clink_

_Clink_

 

Tyler was woken up by a sound on his bedroom window. Maybe it's a branch falling from a tree and hitting his window he thinks as he tried to get some sleep again.

_Clink_

_Clink_

 

Tyler's window keeps on making sound. At this point he give up on sleeping again. Curious at what it is that's making the sound, he walk over to the window and peer outside without opening the window.

 

_Clink_

 

There's a rock rolling on the ground from where it hit the window glass. Looking down from the source, Josh is down at his backyard waving his hand and smiling so big. Josh look giddy and super happy it makes Tyler lips unconsciously curl upward on itself. Opening the bedroom window Tyler whisper shout to him, "What are you doing here? It's past your curfew!"

That made Josh smile even wider – if that's possible. It's probably nearing 11pm. Tyler know Josh's curfew is at 10, so he really doesn't want Josh to get in trouble.

“I'm gonna climb up, Ty. Get off from the window!” Josh replied instead.

 

“Hi.” Josh said once he's situated on Tyler's bedroom now.

Shaking his head in disbelief and smiling to the ground Tyler left out a chuckle. “Are you drunk?” He asked Josh jokingly.

“Drunk in love maybe.” Josh answered. That made Tyler snort – or rather, giggle – and push Josh lightly on his shoulder. “No, I'm not drunk. I just want to see you tonight.” Chuckled Josh.

“You can't wait for a night to see me? We practically has school tomorrow, you can see me there you know?” Tyler ask. It sound like he doesn't want Josh doing things like this while deep down inside Tyler actually feel loved.

“Well I want it tonight.” Josh grin. “Besides, I can't sleep. So why not I come here and we can cuddle together in bed. It's just a few blocks anyway.” Josh reasoned while plopping his body on Tyler's bed.

It's an inviting image, Tyler has to resist the urge to climb on top of Josh and put his head on Josh's chest. “I don't want you to get in trouble though. You could be grounded and we can't hangout again.” He shrugged. Still reluctant to lay down beside Josh.

“Hey don't pout please.” Josh plead to him. Reaching out to grab Tyler's hand and holding it in his own. “I'm not going to be in trouble. My parents are out of town this week so I'm free now.” Josh explained, smiling to Tyler hoping it convince him. “C'mon join me in bed. It's comfy and I don't want to enjoy it alone.” He wooed Tyler.

“Okay, I believe you.” Tyler sigh and start joining him in bed.

 

They both got into their usual position. With Josh arm looped around Tyler's body and their legs are tangled in one another. Kissing the back of Tyler's head they start to breath evenly.

 

“Josh?” Tyler whispered after a few minutes had passed.

There's no answer so Tyler assumed that Josh already asleep. He turn his body slowly in Josh's grip so Tyler could see his face, careful not to wake the other boy.

“I'm glad you came tonight. Thank you.” He sigh the last words to Josh's neck and tuck his head under Josh's chin. Getting a comfortable position for him to sleep. He feel Josh tighten his grip on his body and whisper softly, “Anytime, babe. Now sleep.”

But Tyler still can’t find himself to sleep yet. He want to tell Josh something, things that he’s been feeling lately. He even wrote it in his journal, it became a long poem gradually. He decided that he want to tell Josh tonight.

“Josh?” He whispered again. Softly so Tyler didn’t break the intimate bubble they’re having right now. Josh just hum a reply, hinting Tyler to keep talking.

“I used to say I want to die before I’m old.” Tyler finally said, he take a deep breath after that. Feeling overwhelmed by his confession, he continue, “But because of you I might think twice.” He closed his eyes, not wanting to see or hear how Josh react to it, in case if it’s bad. But he feel a brush of lips on the back of his neck and Josh tighten – if that's even possible – his grip.

With that, both of them drift of to sleep with a smile on their faces.  
  


☻☹

 

"How about this one?" Tyler asked Josh.

 

They're discussing about their English project now and then. Since Josh is okay to use Tyler's writing as the song they'll perform in front of the class, they're both busy with picking the right choice for it. The plan is after picking up one of Tyler's incredible writing, Josh will make some beat to it and see of Tyler's like it. Tyler could also give tunes and melody to matches Josh's beat.

 

"Umm.. I don't think it's fit. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful - your writings are beautiful - but I don't know. Just don't get the vibe to it." Josh shrugged.

Agreeing to Josh's opinion, Tyler nod. "Well, yeah. I understand."

"Hey, don't be glum. We'll figure it out yeah?" Josh tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah of course." With a smile, Tyler end the discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is only a filler, sorry for the lack of update. there's a good, or bad, news for you - the readers of this story: idk where this story is going (i had the main plot in my head but idk about the filler) and i intended to end this series soon. sooo, yeah. enjoy! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Tyler already get used to school by now. The red lockers, the floor pattern on the hallway, the windows by the class, and the familiar faces he see everyday. Josh always wait for him at his locker ever since they know each other. Joking around while Tyler pick up his books and wait for the school bell to ring. Once in a while, Josh like to walk him to class when their class are not that far apart and Tyler always feel giddy about it.

 

"Are you busy this weekend?" Josh asked him while leaning on the locker beside Tyler's.

As he arrange the books on his locker, Tyler replied, "Um.. I don't know. Probably just helping my mom, doing chores. Why?"

"So, I have this baseball match on Saturday and I was wondering would you like to come? It's okay though if you don't want to. I'll go to yours after the match." Josh rambled. It makes Tyler giggle to the back of his hand. "Why are you laughing?" He asked while grinning at Tyler's behavior.

"I'd love to come but I'm not promising anything alright? I have to ask my mother first." Tyler said.  
Josh nod in understanding. "Yeah, of course. Text me yeah?"

"Of course." Tyler smile to him as he close his locker.

 

☻☹

 

_To: Jish_

_Message: My mom just gave me an answer._

_From: Jish_

_Message: aaaand? :))_

_To: Josh_

_Message: :-(_

_From: Jish_

_Message: what?? :(_

_she did not allow you did she?_

_To: Jish_

_Message: :D_

_From: Jish_

_Message: what is it babe?? D;_

_To: Jish_

_Message: She allowed me to come!! :-) but she did give me a curfew though :(_

_From: Jish_

_Message: thank god!!_

_of course mrs. joseph, i will get tyler home before 10!_

_To: Jish_

_Message: Tell it to my mom you goof :-)_

_From: Jish_

_Message: i will when i pick u up tmrrw :)_

_To: Jish_

_Message: What a proper gentleman. I'm flattered :p_

_From: Jish_

_Message: anything for my baby xoxoxox ;)_

 

Tyler left it at that, smiling trough the phone screen at Josh's ridiculousness. He doesn't want to get his hopes high, but Josh always make him feel cared, make him feel _loved_. And Tyler didn't know if he's in love with the feeling of it, or if he's in love with Josh.

 

☻☹

 

He could hear Josh and his mother chatting idly downstairs before his mother called him up. "Tyler! Josh is here."

"Yes mom! I'll be down in a minute." He replied.

Tyler immediately put his yellow hoodie over the black t-shirt and faded worn black jeans he's wearing while heading downstairs.

 

As soon as he step off the stairs, he see Josh is in the living room sitting with his mother and laughing at something – probably one of Tyler's embarrassing story. That made his chest tighten, the sight of Josh and his mother bonding, being so close like his mother felt comfortable too with Josh make him think about things he want to have. And that is Josh, he want Josh to be with him but Tyler know better. Josh is kind enough for want to be his friend, Tyler shouldn't ask for more.

 

"Looking great, Ty! Ready?" Josh's voice breaking him from the thoughts he's been having.

Looking up to Josh, he simply replied by a small "yeah" and nodding while heading out to the front door.

"Bye Mrs. Joseph. I'll bring him back before 10!" Tyler hear Josh promises his mother.

"You better." His mother joked. "Good luck for the match, Josh."

Josh let out a "thank you" as he walk to his car at Tyler's curb.

 

☻☹

 

The stadium is packed with people wearing green and yellow jersey while some are blue and red. Tyler felt a bit nervous from how many people are watching this game. He laugh internally – mostly to himself – because Josh is the one who will be playing in front of this crowd and he's the one who's nervous.

 

"You looked happy." Josh said as he park the car outside of the stadium. "I like it when you smile a lot."

Holding back a chuckle – of course Josh would say things like that – Tyler said, "Yeah? I'm just good at hiding my nervousness." He grinned at Josh.

Huffing out a breath, "Want to go in now? I have to be in the locker room in 30." Josh asked while rubbing one of Tyler's hand.

The nervousness seem to just vanish right away the moment their skin brushed. "Of course. C'mon!" Tyler replied with smile lingering on his face.

 

☻☹

 

It's halfway through the game. He doesn't know much about baseball but it looks like the opponent team are catching up and Josh's team aren't doing any better. Tyler can hear the coach yelling around, keeping the team spirits up and helping with the strategies.

 

Josh play as a batter – he can run fast, also his upper body strength really works well for the position – and his turn is up now. Tyler bit his nails in anticipation because he want Josh to do his best and the team to win.

 

Josh is facing the pitcher now, his expression is focus yet calm. Tyler can see how tight his grip on the baseball bat. The commentators keep talking about how the game goes and it only makes it more anxious.

 

_Deep breaths Josh, deep breaths and focus._

 

Tyler keep saying it repeatedly inside his own head, he know Josh couldn't hear it over the sound of the roaring crowds and the chatter of both commentators but Tyler need Josh to be calm. The pitcher start to make a move, he lift his hand up and throw the ball with so much power. Josh swing his bat at the direction of the ball and –

 

_"Ow! Joshua Dun just missed the ball! Strike one for the home team!"_

Tyler heard the commentators speak. He sagged into his chair, it's only worsen his nervousness.

 

_C'mon Josh, please._

 

Gripping both of his hands tightly in front of his mouth, he plead at something, for something to happen. The pitcher start to make a pose again, signaling he's about to throw the second ball. Josh posture is stiff from the place he's standing. Tyler could only see his back but he know Josh is nervous too by the way his feet keep on twitching on the ground. Tyler cupped a hand in front of his face, blocking him from seeing the match. The commentators voice kept ringing on his ears, making him feel jittery.

 

It all happen in fast motion, seconds ago Tyler couldn’t hear a thing because the nervousness that’s building up inside him and the other his ears are filled with the thundering sound  of the stadium. Both commentators are speaking really fast over the sound of roaring crowds because apparently Josh has hit the second ball and now he’s running towards the second base. The opposite team are all frantic searching for the ball that Josh just hit, so Josh keep on running. Once the ball is found, the opponent team did not waste any time on throwing it to the third base where Josh is heading now. It’s really Josh’s luck, the third baseman lose his concentration and the ball fly through his head. Josh take his chance and run through it, take off to his first position. The third baseman is on position to throw the ball.

 

_Faster, run faster._

Tyler mumbled again. Josh is nearing the home base as the ball is being thrown, he skid off the ground while the catcher seize the ball on his hand. The umpire blew his whistle and shout “ _Safe!_ ”. The crowds erupt with happiness and Tyler find himself shout along with them.

 

☻☹

 

_Oomph!_

Josh was making a little noise as Tyler jump and hug him from behind.

“Hey! I guess you enjoy the game,  huh?” Josh asked Tyler. He’s grinning so wide his face might split into two, but Josh didn’t mind. He loves when Tyler look so happy like right now.

Tyler give a playful slap to Josh’s shoulder. “You almost gave me a heart attack through out the game!” he shout it to Josh, who laughs at it. “But I did enjoy it. Might let you take me to another one of your games.”

“Well that’s my intention.” Josh giggled to him. “Want to grab some food now?”

“Sure.” He simply replied.

 

☻☹

 

“Thank you, I had a great night.” Tyler said with a smile on his face as they both are currently walking back to his house.

“Great, huh? I thought it was amazing.” Josh joked once they stop in front of Tyler’s front door.

Cannot hide the smile that creeping to his face, Tyler glance the ground, “Alright, it was amazing. I hadn’t have a great time in a really long time.” He confessed to Josh.

“Aww, I’m glad that you like it.” Josh replied while messing Tyler’s hair. “See you at school on Monday?”

“Yeah, sure.” Tyler said as he keep staring at his shoes. He feels a hand caress the underside of his chin, Josh is lifting his face up. Looking straight at Josh beautiful eyes, Tyler is lost in the moment. His heart is beating really fast.

 

_Is it going to happen? Is he going to kiss me?_

 

Those words keep ringing in his ears the moment Josh’s bring his face closer.

The first time their lips collide was tense, they both still didn’t quite know how to do this. But when Josh start to deepen the kiss, Tyler feel a familiar warmth bursting out of his chest and enveloped him with it. His hand slowly making its way to Josh neck and his body seems to know how to act. It didn’t last long though. Josh break the kiss and peck Tyler’s forehead before taking a step back and walking towards his car. Still dazed by the kiss and the butterflies in his stomach, Tyler just stand there waiting for Josh to  turn around or watching him  disappear into the night.

Josh did turn around, but he look puzzled at what is he trying to say. “I’ll text you when I got home.” Is all Josh said before continuing his walk to the car.

Whispering a soft “Yeah” to the cold night air while watching Josh drive off from his house, Tyler  start to make a move and go into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think about this chapter!:) this probably the fav chapter i've wrote so far.  
> oh and i just want to announce there's only 2 or 3 chapters left for this story. thank you for all the lovely comments:)


	8. Chapter 8

He found Josh at his own locker on Monday with all of his jock friends. Backpack sling to one of his shoulder, he's wearing a snapback now so Tyler couldn't see his perfect red hair. Standing back to him, Josh couldn't see that Tyler is approaching and he thought it would be a perfect opportunity to try and prank Josh a little. The more he came close to the group the more Tyler can hear what their conversation was about.

"So you're shagging that freshman huh, Josh?" One of his friend asked Josh. Tyler couldn't see Josh's expression from the way he's standing but he feel disgusted that he's being talked like that. Josh wouldn't talk about him like that would he?

"Jesus, no! God, no." Josh give a shaky laugh and Tyler could see he's running his trembling hand to the back of his neck.

At this point, one of Josh's friend notice that Tyler is nearby and give a smirk to him.

"So what's the deal with him? Are you two together?" He asked Josh with the same smirk he give to Tyler.

He still couldn't see Josh's face but he heard the answer perfectly clear. "No! He's just my partner for English project Mrs. Hudson paired with. We're not together, he's just a freshman. He's nothing." Josh finished.

 

_He's nothing._

 

That phrase keep ringing on Tyler's mind. He can feel his head pounding and his heartbeat racing through his chest. Is he really that meaningless to Josh? Time went still and it felt like he's in the movie where the main character just heard a life changing news. He can't hear anything except the beating of his own heart. Before he knew it, life come crashing back on him and he saw Josh's friend laughing at his direction. What are they laughing at? Surely not Tyler right? But Josh's shock expression just confirm it all. Tyler didn't know that opening up his problem and letting somebody in could back fire to him in the face. What a stupid thought that it would be all perfect and beautiful.

 

Next thing he realize, he's locking the bathroom door, his knee goes weak and sliding down on it. The images of him and Josh lying in bed just talking and laughing assaulted his mind. Josh's smile, the crinkle by his eyes that Josh hate so much but Tyler secretly love, the little freckles across his nose, the little crease of moon on his cheeks when he grin, every little things about Josh fill Tyler's head. Tears trickling down his cheeks and drop into the bathroom floor.

 

"Babe, are you in there?" He hears Josh calling for him from behind the door. How dare he still call him that? "Ty, please open the door." Josh sound desperate.

Good, Tyler thought. He should be desperate, he should be miserable like him now. How can he be something that Tyler are so very afraid of? Someone who crushed his trust just like that.  
Tyler didn't reply nor planning to, he just muffled the sobs he make into his hoodie.  
Maybe Josh hear the sounds of Tyler's sniffles or maybe the silence that Tyler gave made him worried, he speak up again, "Tyler, I want to-" Josh words got cut out by the school bell. He heard the sigh Josh make from the other side. "Tyler please." Josh plead.

Tyler had enough of it, something snap inside him and he screamed, "Go away! Leave me alone!"  
Finishing his sentences, Tyler keep his head tuck down and sobs.

 

☻☹

 

The quiet came. It seems everybody just got in class and Tyler is glad for that. He feel so exhausted and drained just because of what happened. Sighing from his spot on the bathroom, he reach for his phone inside his backpack. He's not in the mood for school anymore, just want to get home and curled up in his bedroom.

 

"Tyler? Is everything okay?" His mother voice sound concerned through the phone.

A heart wrenching sob that he's been trying to hide left his mouth. "Mom, c- can you pick m-me up? I'm-" He takes a deep breath before continuing, "I'm not feeling well."

"Honey what happened?" His mother try really hard to not let the panic show but her tone can't hide it.

"I- I'll tell you later. Please, can- can you pick me up?" He said through the sobs.

"Of course, baby. Where are you now?" asks his mother and Tyler told her where he is right now and a brief explanation about what happened. All his mother know is it's something involving Josh.

"Okay, I'm on my way now. Wait for a little while, yeah?" His mother end the conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how's this angst-y chapter? drop your thoughts on the comment:)


	9. Chapter 9

The next thing he realized, he’s being tucked with his mother. It’s warm and soft, Tyler doesn’t want his mom to ever leave him.

“Mom, can you please stay?” He said drowsily. “At least until I’m asleep. Please?” He continued upon seeing his mother confused face.

Smiling down at him, his mother replied, “Of course, honey. I’ll be here when you wake up. Now let’s get some sleep.”

And with a kiss, Tyler is drifting to sleep.

 

When he open his eyes the following moment, his mother is sitting with her back against the headboard and reading a book about cooking or something, Tyler doesn’t even know.

“Hi sweety, you’re awake.” His mother greets him with a kiss on his cheek. “How’re you doing now?”

Sighing tiredly, he said, “Better.” But that did not please his mom, judging by her looks.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” His mother asked.

“Yeah mom, just... Not right now, okay?”

“Of course, babe.” She kissed him again just because.

And if she notice the way Tyler flinch when she called him ‘babe’, she doesn’t say anything.

 

☻☹

 

“Let me call his parents or talk to him, Tyler.” That’s his mother first reaction once Tyler told her everything that has happened. Tyler need to restrain and beg her for not doing it. Tyler doesn’t want to do anything that related to Josh. He want to end all of this, he want to transfer school if he can but sadly he cannot. So he decided to just end his friendship – or rather fake friendship – with Josh, his English project with him, and all those things.

“Mom, please don’t. Just help me talk to Mrs. Hudson so I don’t have to be in a group with him. I just... I know this would happen one way or another. Please, mom.” Tyler sobbed literally begged to her.

Seeing the state his son in, his mother doesn’t want to make it any worse. She settled on helping him with anything he want if it makes Tyler feel better.

“And please tell him I don’t want to see him if he ever come here.” Tyler said and his mother only nod.

 

☻☹

 

Two days has passed. Two days of missing school, two days of not seeing Josh, two days of misery. The thing is, the more Tyler want to forget him, the more he think of Josh. It’s not fair, Tyler thought. The first day, Josh is still trying to reach him. He texted and called Tyler’s phone a thousand times which is under his bed right now – Tyler threw it that night when Josh’s name always came up on the screen.

Right now, Tyler want to clear his mind. Chilling and trying to forget whatever happened two days ago. It's all working out for him, until his mother come knocking his bedroom door.

"Tyler, Josh is here." His mother told him.

What even is he doing here? It's school hour, he's supposed to be in school and not bothering him anymore. Honestly, why can't Josh leave him be?

"Mom, you know I don't want to see him anymore. Just say I'm asleep or something please." He snapped at his mother.

Frowning at the reply she gets, she said, "He seemed really worried about you, Ty."

"I don't care mom!" Tyler shouts to his mom. He doesn't even know where the sudden rage wash over him. He just want to be alone for a while.

"Okay, I'll tell him you're sleeping." His mother ends up saying.

 

Since then, there had been a flower taped on his bedroom window. It's a yellow orchid - symbol of saying sorry. Tyler knows well who put it there but he just ignore it and shut the curtain right back.

 

☻☹

 

A week had passed, a week since school and Tyler cannot avoid it forever. He decided to go back to school after his mother talked to the administration to transfer all of his class so he doesn't bump to Josh in the hallway. All subject can be transferred except one, English subject. The only class he have with Josh. The class where he was paired with Josh. The world is really against him, Tyler thinks. But whatever, Tyler still have to face him one way or another.

 

The day he stepped again in school is the day Mrs. Hudson told the announcement. The slightly change on group project because Tyler want to work alone - due to his condition as his mother explained. He may or may not notice the way Josh's expression just drop and walk right out of class.

 

☻☹

 

It's getting easier to ignore Josh at school. He just sit and admiring the open field outside English class. Not glancing the direction where Josh is sitting. Josh too, is back hanging with his own friends, ignoring Tyler's existence. Somehow, Tyler is okay with that. He keep writing on his journal and finish the song he want to perform.

 

He decided that he's gonna sing with an ukulele for the final project. Even though he still didn't know if he ever get the time to practice it before playing in front of his class. But he’ll know it will all work out in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHH!! 1 more final chapter and this story is done! i hope you all enjoy it so far :)


	10. Chapter 10

Finally the time has come for the whole class to show their final project. There's a group who did poems, drama, and singing. They were all beautiful, especially the poems.

 

Now, it's Tyler's turn to show his project. He got up from his seat with his ukulele in hand. Walking to the front class, he try his best to ignore the look his classmate's give. When he stand in front of the class, he give a slight introduction of what he might do.

"Hi, my name's Tyler Joseph. I'm going to perform a song that I wrote some time ago." He finish the introduction while taking a glance at Josh, who sit at the back of class and stare outside the window. Tyler start his song, the first time he played it, he's unsure how his voice will turned out. But as the song goes, he just close his eyes and try to let the feeling of singing overtake him. Sometimes when he sing, he feel content and at ease. He definitely want to feel that way right now.

 

_I need to know, that when I fell you'd still be here  
Cause if you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds,_

He sang the verse

 

_I used to say I wanna die before I'm old, but because of you I might think twice_

When he open his eyes, Josh is already starring at him. He knows what song Tyler is singing and the intense stare Josh gave him brings back the memories. The sudden rush of memories assaulted his mind. Tyler feel the walls are closing in. It shouldn't be this way, he should've finish the song properly. But he can't breath right now, black spot already clouding his vision, he need to get out and find a fresh air. As soon as he can, he rush out of the classroom, ignoring the calls Mrs. Hudson gave. He's gasping for air once he's out of school.

 

Something touch his shoulder and Tyler flinch at the contact. When he turned his head, there's already a wide eyed Josh in front of his face. He can see that Josh is trying to talk to him, but no sound reach his ears. He only see the way Josh's mouth – that mouth he once kissed – open and close trying to form the words.

"Ty, babe, please breath slowly. I'm here." Josh said to him softly while rubbing his back. "In and out baby, please. In and out. Inhale, Exhale."

He try to control his breathing. It's pretty hard when your mind isn't in the right place. When he gain his senses back, he pushed Josh away from him. "Don't you ever touch me again." He breathes hard. Still catching his breath.

Josh look torn, he want to touch and soothe Tyler but at the same time he doesn't want him to have a series again. "Ty, please. I'm so sorry for what happened." Josh apologized.

"No! Don't you dare apologizing. You don't feel what I feel." Tyler said as he walk away from school to the direction of his house.

"Tyler, just listen to me." Josh catching up with him and blocking Tyler's way. "Tyler please."

With that, Tyler stop on his track. He doesn't know what came up with him but he have the urge to cry. And that's what he do, he stare at the ground. Tears blurring his sight and streaming down his cheeks. He's exhausted, he just want to go home, curled up in his bed and sleep. Probably cry some more but he needs sleep. "Can you please leave me alone?" He sobbed to Josh.

Seeing the sight in front of him, Josh cannot hold it anymore. He close the gap between them and holds Tyler in his arms. Tyler just crashed into his body without any resistance. Josh keep murmuring sweet nothings into Tyler's ears.

Once Tyler is calmed enough, Josh start to say, "I'm sorry for what happened. I know what I did are wrong and you did not deserve any of it. You're too good for me, too good for everyone, too good for this world, Ty. I'm sorry for how the world has treated you too. If I could take it back and change it all, I would in a heartbeat. So you can have the life you deserved." Josh stopped to catch his breath. By this time, he's crying too. "I miss this, i miss talking to you, I miss your laugh and your god awful jokes, I miss our night talks, but I miss you the most. These past weeks have been miserable for me. I don't know what I'd do if you keep ignoring me. Please give me another chance, I'll make it up to you. I just need one more chance." He ends.

Tyler give a slight nod from where he's hiding his face in the crook of Josh's neck. He's so exhausted, Josh's body is so warm against him. He just want to curl up in his bed and sleep.

"Yeah? You'd give me a chance?" Josh asked, still not believing it.

Pulling his face away, Tyler answered breathlessly, "It's been hell for me too. My bed feels bigger and colder, I miss you too."

"Oh now I get it, you only used me for a heater, huh?" Josh tried to joke.

"Now you know my plan." Tyler chuckles.

"No, but seriously Ty. I'll make it up to you." Josh said.

"Promise?"

Smiling, Josh replied "Pinky promise." While holding up his pinky.

"Okay." Tyler breaths. Slotting his pinky with Josh's and rest his head on Josh's shoulder.

"Alright." Josh hug on him tighten.

 

And they spent some more time hugging and exchange pecks on the sidewalk.

 

_It’ll all work out in the end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!!! it's finished!! aaah i'm so happy and proud of this even though i know the end feel so rushed, but i'm still so proud for finishing (and not ditching) this story. hope all of you feel the same for this story! once again, thank you for all the lovely comments:)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are VERY appreciated!:)  
> Please reblog the artwork that i've made for this fic [here](http://blulrryface.tumblr.com/post/155843568287/a-kitchen-sink-to-you-is-not-a-kitchen-sink-to)  
> Hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/blulrryface) or [tumblr](https://blulrryface.tumblr.com)!


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